- Profound sadness.
- Crying all the time or at unexpected times.
- Extreme physical exhaustion, or a manic energy.
- Difficulty sleeping, or sleeping all the time.
- Lack of appetite, or over eating, often accompanied by weight loss or weight gain.
- Anxiety, often manifested in overprotective behavior toward surviving family members.
- Denial of the loss.
- Inability to concentrate, frequently misplacing items and forgetting things.
- A deep longing and emptiness, feeling that nothing has meaning.
- Intense questioning: “Why??” “If only I had….?” “Why didn’t I…?”
- Looking for blame, and blaming yourself or others.
- Anger with yourself, family members, medical personnel, God, even the deceased.
- Fearing that you are mentally ill or unstable.
- Physical symptoms such as heaviness in your chest, difficulty breathing, tightness in your throat, yawning, sighing, gasping or even hyperventilating (do not hesitate to see a doctor for symptoms that concern you.
For The Newly Bereaved
The death of a child, sibling, or grandchild – at any age, from any circumstance – is indeed one of the cruelest blows that life has to offer. The journey through this grief is long and difficult. In the early moments, we may find ourselves in an all-consuming pain beyond description. It can be tough to live our everyday lives, challenging to think about anything other than our loss. Even happy memories may bring us pain for a time.
People do not “get over” the death of a child, sibling, or grandchild, nor “snap out of it” as the outside world often thinks we should. This loss is not an illness from which we recover. It is a life-altering change that forces us to build a new life for ourselves and our families, in a world that no longer includes our loved one.
You will experience a wide and often frightening variety of emotions after this loss. These feelings and experiences are natural and normal. Here are some you may encounter:
- Inability to function at work.
- Increased intensity of, or sudden loss of, religious faith.
- Wanting to die (a feeling that usually subsides over time as you realize the value of staying present for other loved ones).
- Needing to tell and retell the story of your loved one’s death.
- Sensing the presence of your loved one in an odor or touch.
- Difficulty in everyday tasks that remind you of your loved one, such as seeing his or her favorite foods on the shelves when grocery shopping.
- Anger with yourself if you smile or laugh, and wondering how you can feel happy when your loved one is dead.
- Feeling as though your spouse or other family members don’t understand your grief or are not grieving as you think they should.
- Losing old friends who don’t seem to understand your pain and grief.
- Making new connections with people who have also experienced the death of a child, sibling, or grandchild.
- Feeling “stuck” in an aspect of grief such as denial or anger.
- Feeling as though your work through grief is “one step forward, two steps back” or proceeding in a completely random way.
- Frustration with others who expect you to be “over this” in a specific time frame – perhaps even frustration with yourself if you feel you should have “moved on.”
Hold these three important ideas in your mind as you walk this unfamiliar and challenging path:
Important Links
Actively Moving Forward (AMF)
A network connecting and supporting college students coping with grief. Resources and peer-led support groups on over 200 campuses nationwide. Sponsored by Heal Grief.
healgrief.org/actively-moving-forward/
Alive Alone
Support and education for bereaved parents whose only child or all children are deceased.
www.alivealone.org
Centering Corporation
Offers educational grief resources for caregivers and families.
https://centering.org
First Candle SIDS Alliance
Providing bereavement support and counsel to families who have lost babies to SIDS, SUID, and stillbirth. Educating parents and caregivers on ways to prevent sleep-related causes of death in infants.
www.firstcandle.org
Grief.com
Education and information – articles, videos, links, and more – offered to help people navigate the challenging road of grief.
www.grief.com
Heal Grief
Offering a virtual location where people can communicate about a death, mourn, and celebrate the life of a loved one.
www.healgrief.org
Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
Support and connection for parents who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. Services include in-person connection, phone communication, online resources, caregiver training, and more.
www.nationalshare.org
Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) Foundation
Support, resources, and advocacy services at no cost to families that have suffered from a sudden
unexplained/unexpected loss of a child from 12 months – 18 years of age.
www.sudc.org
Helping Young Hearts Heal: Guide to Grief Support for Children
An article highlighting how to recognize childhood grief and support kids with empathy, routine, and open communication.
Theravive
Thereavive is a network of licensed therapists and psychologists committed to helping people receive the best mental health care available. Through building bridges with others, we continually strive to lower mental health stigma.
http://www.theravive.com/cities
The Compassionate Friends
Support and resources for parents, grandparents, and siblings following the death of a child, sibling, or grandchild. Local chapters nationwide and in international locations.
www.compassionatefriends.org
Ultimate Guide to Grieving Support Resources
Wise Old Sayings has over 40 of the best grief-related resources on the web that are categorized into sections that make it easy to find what you need.
http://www.wiseoldsayings.com/grieving-support-guide/